Self sabotaging is wanting something deeply and still messing it all up. Very common examples are procrastination, bad timing and avoidance. Despite the desire to get your work done, you procrastinate. Despite all the reasons to do something, you avoid it. It feels like you are opposing yourself and are your own enemy. This may even lead to self criticizing, which further reduces your ability to do something.
All of this is rather common and I will explain the real reasons behind it, along with the solutions.
What is Self Sabotage?
Behaviors that unconsciously block your own success. This is not laziness or stupidity. This is just a psychological behavior, not a disorder.
Examples of such behaviors are:
- Procrastination; especially important work.
- When you see no real progress, and you quit quickly
- Choosing wrong people
- Decision overthinking
- Creating Chaos before success
Why people self sabotage?
1. Fear of Failure
They tend to avoid efforts because it causes pain.
2. Fear of Success
They fear that success might chabge their identity and expectations.
3. Low self worth
They have a low self worth and they think less of themselves, even denying their visible capabilities.
4. Familiar Pain
Since they have done self sabotaged many times, it gives them a pain they are very familiar with. This familiar pain creates a feeling safety. The chaos feels predictable.
5. Childhood Conditioning
Criticism and punishment in childhood can contribute to it.
Different from Laziness
Laziness is simply lack of motivation to do something. Self sabotage leads to the same conclusion but the reason behind it is fear, not lack of motivation. Laziness is superficial and common, self sabotage is a deep traumatic fear.
How to Stop Self-Sabotaging
Identity the Pattern
Make observations and notice when it happens and what causes it. This will give you an idea of why it happens.
Name the fear
whatever you feel, name it. It can be fear, guilt, success, or fear of change.
Separate identity from outcomes
Your fear doesn’t define you. Outcome matters, but even that is not your identity.
Organize
Make a proper routine of things. This gives you the feeling of being in control and reduces your fear.
Self trust
Trusting yourself is more important than trusting others. Little by little, build trust in yourself. That can happen when you don’t betray yourself.