Am I magnet for toxic people?
We often wonder why toxic people enter our lives. Is it bad luck or is something deeper at play?
we’ll go through it in detail here and expose the hidden truth.
Understanding Toxic Relationships
The first step of anything is to understand it
What makes a person toxic?
The way the behave, the way they act and they way they makes us feel, tells us everything we need to know about them.
- If they try to control you, little by little. They don’t want to be the one who is in charge, but the one who is the master.
- They try to manipulate you. You can see the signs where they act like manipulators and become toxic
- You feel emotionally drained with them. It feels like you are always on the edge. You are not satisfactory but just going on
- There is a certain distinction between flaws and toxicity. Nobody is perfect, so we all make mistakes. But toxic people, they often do not apologize or feel bad. Sometimes they apologize and act like a victim who is trying but then they repeat the same thing over and over again
Why toxic dynamic feels familiar?
- Childhood conditioning is a part of it. What we experience in childhood often shapes our behavior and mentality too. In the same way, what we lacked or wanted but didn’t get in childhood, makes us want it more(like love)
- Attachment issues: Our attachment problems(maybe from previous relationships) cause a big impact. We do not want to lose, so we fall in the trap
The psychology of Attraction to toxic people
The familiarity principle:
If you were grown in a place or environment that was toxic, had criticism or was harsh. Then you will be naturally drawn to it. This familiarity, no matter how bad, makes an emotional pull that you don’t feel at the moment but it takes you to a toxic partner
Trauma Bond
You make a bond with trauma. Your life is set on pain plus reward. If you endure the pain, then you will get the reward. But you do not realize that this pain is unnecessary and the reward is not worth it. But the problem is, your brain has an addiction like effect, even to a pain as long as it is familiar and promising.
Low self worth and boundaries
You believe that you are not enough, not good. You believe that you are not worthy of this love and attention, and everything is your fault. So, you naturally try to put efforts and make it better, you try to earn the love. But fail miserably because you were not at fault to begin with.
You don’t have clear boundaries and you can’t say No. That is a real issue and that makes you a tool to be used by others. Learning to say No at times is important
Why toxic people are drawn to you?
Empathy and kindness
The kind and nice side of a person is good but dangerous for him as well. The kinder you are, the more takers you attract. That doesn’t mean that you should not be kind, but it means that you should be careful in your kindness. Do not let it be taken for granted
Silence or fear of conflict
You avoid fights and arguments, even when you are right. This gives them a sense of control and they think that they can use you and you won’t resist. You should stand your ground and not be silent when the situation is bad. Other than that, it is wise to avoid conflicts. You just need to find a good balance.
Breaking the toxicity
Recognizing patterns
Everything that I have explained so far allows you to recognize the patterns, so that you can escape
Building self worth
Know your value. Make your achievements count. Be bold and confident of your own self. If you think you are weak, then you’ll probably act weak and be perceived weak.
Setting boundaries
You should learn to set clear boundaries to protect your own peace. Learn to say No
Choosing healthier connections
Just like toxicity, healthy connection can also impact you. This will make you able to see your own value. This will help you recognize toxic behaviors. This gives you peace and power.
Toxic people maybe drawn to your light, but it is your boundaries that protect you
