Self Control

Self control is the foundation of achieving mastery over everything. If a foundation is strong, then whatever is built upon it will eventually be strong. People struggle over self control because they give in to temptations very easily. Lack of discipline makes every day tasks hard for them. But there are some people who can do anything they want to do, without procrastination or deviation from their goals. I will teach you how to take back that control and be able to do what you have always wanted to do.

What is self control?

Self control is the ability to manage your emotions, thoughts and desires. Choosing what you want to do, versus what you should do(like studying).

Self control in daily life

Everything we do is based on our control over ourselves. We make decisions based on our interests. Every single decision that we make, and every single time that we control ourselves from doing something that we want to do, is a means of growth and one step forward to achieving full self control.

Why self control matters?

Self control helps you choose what is good for you in long term, like having a big amount of money saved instead of spending it on food.

Self control helps you prevent emotional reactions. Like when we are blinded by anger and want to harm our loved ones, or when we are deep in sorrow and want to harm ourselves.

Self control builds confidence. Makes you see yourself in a new light. You are in control of your own life.

It boosts productivity. When you have control over your actions, then you stop procrastinating and do your tasks.

It helps you break bad habits. Helps you see through them and brings you back on the track.

Common challenges people face

Impulsive decisions make people lose self control. They get easily distracted. A small amount of seduction makes them vulnerable. They let their emotions get the better of them. They do things when they are motivated, and don’t do them when they are demotivated. But the truth is, motivation is fake. Most of the time, we are not motivated but we want to make progress. What matters in the end is showing up to do what needs to be done, and that is called self control. A lack of routine makes you lose self control very quickly. A routine is very important.

Techniques for self control

1. The 10 second pause technique

This is a scientific approach to handle internal conflicts and maintain control. When you feel anger, eating junk food, or skipping tasks, just take a pause for 10 seconds. Stop for 10 seconds and think, “what is the best possible thing that I should do right now?”. Not the thing that you want to do, but the thing that you have to do. When you take a pause, your brain rewires the signals and you have a chance to redeem self control.

2. Reduce Friction

Self control becomes extremely easy when you remove the friction, or obstacles in simple words. The less things weighing you down, the easier to maintain control. You can practice it with anything that you want to have a better control on. For example, put your phone in another room when you are studying. Keep healthy food visible but junk food hidden(or not at home). Prepare your clothes, workout items or books in advance. The less things that you have to do, the easier it is to do them. The hardest part of anything is starting it, then it is hard but not the hardest. And when you keep things that you want to stay away from, hidden from your sight, then you will have to make an effort to get to them. This effort is what we hate to make. You will spend less time on your phone if it keeps switching off. You will likely not turn on the TV if the remote is in another room. Make good things easier to do, and bad things harder to do.

3. Micro Habits

The reason we fail is because we try to do all or nothing. That is rather stupid. Can you make a grade school student attend university? Obviously not. This is because he can’t just jump to university without knowing the basics and studying them. Similarly, if you were lazy and didn’t do anything for months, and now you want to work out for an hour or study for hours, then you will most likely fail(except in rare cases). This is not to demotivate you, but this is just reality. How many times have you failed in this all or nothing attempt? The way to do things is by starting small, and gradually moving up the ladder. You can certainly try working out for an hour every single day, but make it a rule that only 5 minutes is necessary and if you have done it for 5 minutes, then the task is completed. When you know that you have to do something for only 5 minutes, you are more likely to do it. This is because the thought of doing it all at once scares you and then you do nothing at all. 5 minutes daily for a 100 days means 500 minutes. When you have made a habit of doing it for 5 minutes every single day, then you can increase the time to 10 minutes and so on. But since there is no upper limit to it, when you workout for 5 minutes, then you are already doing the workout and can probably do more. So, the main rule is to make the bare minimum easy and make it count, while keeping the maximum unbound by limits. You can do the same for studying or any other task you wish to do. Consistency always beats sudden sparks of intensity.

4. Dopamine scheduling

Dopamine is the pleasure seeking hormone. It is released in big amounts when we use social media or play games. In a way, it is our biggest enemy, but in another way, it is our ally as well. All we need to do is schedule it in a way that works better for us.

It would have been better if we could get vast amounts of dopamine by doing our daily tasks, but it is often not the case because working and studying is boring. But that does not meant that we can’t link dopamine with them. Scheduling dopamine means getting a bit of it every now and then, instead of getting it all at once. We can make our tasks allign with things we enjoy. Like, you study for an hour and then get 20 minutes to watch an episode or 10 minutes to do something good. Whatever suits your tasks and time schedule perfectly. This way, when you study, you know that soon when you’re done with it, you”ll get to do what you want for a while. This pushed you to do it faster. But try to not link it with exact time, because that way, you will just want to pass the time of studying(or any task) as soon as you can. Instead, ask yourself to do a topic that needs an hour and only then can you get your reward. This way, you are inclined to effectively complete the task, instead of passing the time.

5. The “if-then” method

Set conditions such as, if I procrastinate, then I have to work for 5 minutes. If I get angry, then I will walk 5 steps behind. This takes the sudden anger, or procrastination away. Our feelings change dramatically. When you do a task for 5 minutes, your laziness is already gone. When you walk 5 steps, your anger will subside. This distracts your mind and makes it see the task you are doing. Impulses are replaced with planned responses.

6. Environment Design

An environment shapes a person. We get influenced very easily. This can be a problem or a solution. We can just make our environment better suited for our desired results. If you are a student, then keep your study table clean, books very close to it, and always ready to study. Write your own quotes and make them be visible. What you say to yourself matters more than what other people say. Like, “I must get admission in this university”, “I must get 95% marks”, “I must make my parents proud”, “I will become number one”. Whatever makes you more focused. This can be done for any tasks or any goals. Keep the people who drain you, away from you. A good company helps and a bad company ruins you.

Visit daily psychology for Further tips

How to build Long-term self control

Slef control is also like a muscle. You can make it stronger overtime and by repetition.

Track one habit

Tracking gives you a joy of feeling the progress. Try Tracking one habit at a time to not be mentally confused. Do it for 2 weeks until you are used to it, and then you can switch to the next habit. This habit can be anything, like sleeping on time. Staying away from cigarettes. Eating healthy food. Working for an hour. Or going to the gym. Once the tracking shows you visible results, it will give you a joy that will keep you motivated.

Sleep and stress control

When you are tired, you will not be able to have a good self control. You can sleep to get a recharge. Try meditation. Give yourself a break from stress and do something you actually enjoy, like playing games or hanging out. Burn ups are real and need to be dealt with.

Accountability

This is one of the best ways to keep yourself on the track. Tell a friend or family about your new habit of self control. This way, when you fail, you will have to answer to them. Telling ourselves is easy but others is not. You will most likely complete your tasks than tell your friend that you gave up, especially after telling him that you were trying to build a new habit.

Common Mistakes

Relying on motivation

Motivation comes and goes as our mood changes. If we depend on Motivation alone, then we will fail more often. This is because we are mostly not motivated enough to do our tasks. Instead, we should rely on systems that we made, to make sure our task is completed.

Trying too many changes

Too much at once drains us. Start small and gradually move up. It seems slow but is more effective and very less likely to fail.

Not allowing rest

We think that resting is equivalent to failing. That is a wrong perception. When we don’t rest, we get exhausted and then it takes way more time to get back on track. Just like our bodies, our minds also need rest. Rest makes us strong enough to start with full power again.

How long does it take to build a habit?

We can make improvements on the first day but to build a habit, it takes time. The more you repeat something, the sooner it becomes a habit. You can expect to build a habit in 21-60 days.

Can Self Control be learned?

Yes, because it is a skill and every skill requires focus, attention and mainly repetition, to master it.

Why do we lose self-control when stressed?

This is because stress activates the emotional brain. We think through emotions and neglect logical thinking.

Self control boosts growth, decision making and productivity. This makes your life positive because you are in control. Self control is about fighting your desires to do what benefits you instead.