The Fear of being seen

You must have been in a situation where you felt too uncomfortable and wanted to hide behind a mask. That especially happens when all eyes are on you and people especially look into your eyes. The fear of expressing your thoughts and feeling insecure of your body, makes you want to hide and not be seen by others.

I will explain the reasons, psychology and problems behind it. I will also explain how to get over it and why it is not a good idea to always hide.

What does “Fear of being seen” means?

It means having a fear that others might see your true thoughts and personality. The feelings that you call ugly and do not want to expose. Feeling this is not really being shy about it but it is like defending yourself from what you fear. So, eventually, you want to not be seen and it becomes a fear.

It has several forms like;

• Staying quiet even when you have something to say
• Always hiding your true emotions
• Downplaying achievements
• Avoiding attention
• Changing personalities around people
• Feeling uncomfortable in other’s company

Why are you afraid to be seen?

There can be many reasons but I’ll explain the most common ones

Fear of judgement

You are scared that others might judge you. That fears takes away your self validation.

Childhood conditioning

What we experience in our childhood often becomes the base of what we fear and acknowledge. If you were constantly criticized in your childhood, mocked by others over your looks, activities and habits, and were ignored by others. Then you may have developed this fear of being seen. You feel like attention is a form of pain, and avoid it at all costs.

Emotional rejection

If you have been rejected by someone you emotionally cared about, like a partner, then it can also be the reason for your fear. Being rejected from your parents, or from friends, can also lead to the development of this fear.

Low self worth

You believe that you are not good enough. You think that your worth is nothing compared to others and you’d only be made fun of. So, you choose to hide instead. Although, it is false thinking.

I explained self worth and external validation. Click to read more

Difference between privacy and hiding

Being a bit private and secretive is not necessarily bad. In fact, it can even be good. But privacy is a choice you made to not reveal certain things to others. On the other hand, hiding is a fear. You are afraid to face others.

Privacy if done properly is a good thing but hiding due to a fear is bad, and can leave negative effects on you.

How this fear affects you

Relationships

You suffer building emotional relationships. This is because you don’t share your true feelings and try to keep a distance. This will make the relationship too shallow and it won’t last for long.

Career and Ambition

Most careers demand a strong and social person who can lead others and be at the center of attention. If your fear remains, then you will hold back ideas and will not be able to make connections or lead others.

Basically, you will always be among the crowd and never a leader. Be it business, or any other field.

Mental health

It can have negative effects on your mental health too. Humans are social animals and being too lonely will make it harder for you to keep up. Over time, this can cause your fear to deepen, and can even lead to anxiety, depression and even emotional numbness.

What is emotional numbness?

How to get over the fear of hiding

I divided it into 5 simple yet effective steps. Following them one by one will help you get over it.

Step 1: Understanding

Tell yourself that being among others and at the center of attention is not dangerous. The more you tell yourself and the more you expose yourself to it, the easier it gets to understand it.

Step 2: Safe start

Start socializing a little by being among people that make you feel safe. When you are used to it, then go for friends, classmates and colleagues. Little by little, you will see improvements.

Step 3: Allow imperfection

You won’t fit in there perfectly. Actually, most people that seem a part of the group are also not perfect fits but they fit in. This is because imperfections are our nature.

Try normalizing messing up and being embarrassed. Feeling the fear is also fine. As long as you do it, the rest will get better.

Step 4: Inner validation

Make sure that you don’t think bad about yourself and know what you are worth. Blaming yourself is not gonna help but it will definitely make things worse. You know your limits and achievements as well. Make sure you keep your ground even if others might say that you are not good. This will take some time but you will get better.

Step 5: Tolerate discomfort

You will feel really bad and the discomfort will be nauseating. But that is a part of the process. You have to bear with it. Tolerate the discomfort and stand your ground. This discomfort won’t last forever.

All it takes is some effort and patience while trusting the process and yourself. You will soon be as good as everyone else, and probably even better. That’s because fixing something is not what everyone can do.