Abandonment issues are a fear that others might leave and abandon you. This fear of losing people becomes the cause of many other fears too, like being anxious by not getting a reply, overthinking small talks, and being anxious when someone pulls away or gives you less attention.
I will explain abandonment issues in detail and the real psychology behind it too.
What are abandonment issues really?
A deep fear of being rejected, left or replaced by others is the core of abandonment issues. A slight change in tone or a small change in priorities make you feel like you will be abandoned. This is not really a weakness, but it is an emotional wound that needs to be healed.
Emotional wounds are dangerous for you and the people on the other end of the rope too. Emotional abandonment is often unconscious and you don’t even know that you have this fear.
Expressions of Abandonment issues
Clinging in relationships with your partner to the point of invading their personal space and blaming them for the slightest changes. Being clingy is very common and not an issue in relationships, but excess of anything is bad. When it takes your comfort away, then it is bad.
Always seeking reassurance is another form of abandonment issues. Wanting reassurance for something is fine but asking the same question over and over again, despite knowing the answer, means you have abandonment issues.
Creating distance by overthinking or overthinking when their is small distance among you and the other person.
Having a fear of being replaced. You are scared that you will become a second priority. We all have fears, but fears without a base are an emotional wound.
Panicking when alone is also a form of abandonment issues.
Having emotional wounds is not your fault but blaming others and victimizing yourself is definitely your fault. We often don’t realize it and ruin the mental peace of ourselves and the other person. Wounds need to be healed, not used as an excuse to pity yourself and blame others.
Where Abandonment issues come from?
Everything has a source and your abandonment issues were not something innate, you acquired it along your days of living.
Childhood emotional neglect
Being emotionally ignored as a child. This often happens when parents don’t give any emotional support to their children. Children feel neglected and try their best to get their parent’s attention. Later on, they develop a fear of abandonment from everyone without even realizing it.
Phyiscal or Emotional loss
If you lost something valuable, like an emotional partner, a friend or a lot of money in your business or investment, then that can also lead to developing a fear of abandonment.
Inconsistent love
Hot and cold love can create insecurities. Like when you are suddenly given a lot of affection and then you are suddenly ignored.
Attachment Style
Some people develop an attachment which makes them anxious. They are constantly thinking about the other person, what they do, what happens in their life and are anxious about every tiny detail.
Fear of Abandonment vs Fear of being Alone
The two look similar but they are not the same. Abandonment issues are when you don’t want to lose someone and are scared to be abandoned and being left. Fear of being alone is being scared of emptiness and loneliness. Sometimes, one can be the reason for the other and both can exist together, but they are not entirely the same.
How to heal Abandonment Issues
understand the wound
As I have explained, abandonment issues come from a reason or a wound. Find that wound and understand why it is there.
Separate Past and Present
The emotional wound that caused abandonment issues, happened in a past or often distant past. That past is gone and now you live in present. Separate what happened in the past from the present.
Build internal safety
Instead of blaming yourself, make yourself a safe place. Calm yourself down and be nice. What we get from our own self has way more effect than what we can get from others.
Stop chasing reassurance
Reassurance causes more anxiety. The more you are reassured, the more you feed your anxiety. Stop the need for Reassurance and feel the pressure. If you don’t get used to this pressure and anxiety, then it will keep happening. Once you normalize it, then you won’t need further Reassurance. If you already know the facts and reasons, then don’t chase reassurance anymore.
Set Emotional Boundaries
Boundaries are necessary when you get hurt or hurt others more. Set safe and reasonable boundaries, that don’t cause you to lose others. Emotional boundaries create safety, not distance.
Strengthen Self-identity
Your own identity matters. You are whole, even when all alone. Needing others, asking for help and relying on others is fine. But that doesn’t mean that you are complete only when with others. You are your own person, and your own identity matters.